Mind, Heart and Spirit
by Caisu
Summary: The plane Mokuba's school trip wsa on, crashed. Leaving Seto in a deap state of depression. (One-shot. Ok, I know I should have been updateing my other storys, not writeing more, but I had writers block, and this cured it! )


Seto sat down on the bed, the moonlight glinting off the shining, silver dagger in his hand. He looked to the bedside table, and watched his free hand as it reached for the bottle of painkillers there. But could he go through with this? Could he really kill himself? His hands were shaking as he tipped several of the small, pink pills into his palm. His mind blanked as he looked at them, how could a group of such harmless-looking little things do so much damage if used without care? Or with care and with a sinful end in mind.

The young CEO laughed lightly at this thought; how could something be sinful if the person committing the act wasn't religious in any way? He never had believed in god, the thought of a massive man sat up in the clouds was laughable. Heaven seemed far to idealistic, and hell... he wasn't sure. Anyway, he scolded himself, what would it matter? Once you're dead, you're dead. If souls went anywhere, they would all go one place, then he'd see Mokuba again.

One month ago to the day was when Seto had got the news...

-Flashback-

'...And finally, grieving parents and loved ones gathered at the cemetery today in their hundreds to say a fond fare-well to their sons, daughters, brothers, sisters and other friends and relatives...'

Seto picked up the remote, about to turn off the TV and go to work, he didn't need to know about people he didn't know or care about dying. It happened, and he didn't care, people just wasted their time grieving, once someone was gone, they weren't coming back, so there was no point getting depressed.

However, just as he went to press the little red button to turn off the set, two words caught his attention, 'Domino Primary'.

Seto stopped dead in his tracks and listened, hoping to anything good and right that it wasn't anything to do with the school's trip to England.

'...The 32 children heading for England on a school trip were involved in a major air traffic accident, no one survived...'

The young CEO couldn't believe what he was hearing. It couldn't be. It just couldn't have happened. He wouldn't let it have happened!

"NO!" he shouted, shaking all over and beginning to cry,

"Mokuba was not on that flight! He wasn't! He couldn't have been!" But he knew in his heart that he was kidding himself. There was only one flight to England carrying 32 pupils from Domino Primary, including Mokuba.

'...However, members of the public are shocked to see that one Seto Kaiba is not among the people gathered. Among the dead was Mokuba Kaiba, Seto's younger brother, and many are amazed that someone could be so cold hearted as to not show up to say their last good-byes; even if they are the coldest, most closed person in America. Or are as far as common opinion goes, and let's face it, it's probably true...'

"Fuck my life!" Seto yelled, collapsing on the floor as his legs buckled from under him. It still hadn't really sunk in that Mokuba was not coming back, and that fact only angered the CEO even more. Mokuba was dead, and the papers were going to have a field day. And to top it all, he couldn't blame anyone else, as the error wasn't human, and there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent the accident.

-End Flashback-

Now, it had fully sunk in. And it hurt. His whole being was filled with pain. And he had no one to talk to, having driven them all away. He couldn't believe he'd thought he'd never need anyone. He should have known that, as always, he would regret his words, thoughts, and actions in the end. Everyone was right, he was a cold hearted, useless, self-centered basted.

He thought back over the years since the orphanage, and what Mokuba and Yugi had been trying to tell him at Battle City finally got through to him. They were right; he didn't smile after they got adopted. He'd never felt happy, just successful, and sometimes not even that.

Like now, the company was in a major rut, and nothing he did seemed to help. He'd been working endlessly, tirelessly, trying with all his heart to get the company running again. But he knew his heart hadn't really been in his efforts, and he knew his mind was never on his task. Mokuba. After he'd died, he was all Seto could think about, or more precisely, all the things he'd done wrong in the time he'd known him. All the times he'd shouted at him or ignored him. All the times he'd taken him for granted.

Seto's hand shook as he put one of the pills in his mouth and swallowed.

That would be enough to get rid of the headache he was developing.

The second would fix the other aches and pains of his life.

The third would make him sleep.

The fourth...

The fourth would be double the RD

The fifth would put him in hospital.

The sixth would kill him for sure.

He looked at the last three pills in his hand, could he kill himself? Could he really go through with it? He hated himself for this doubt, this fear of the unknown. No, not fear; he never showed fear. He didn't know fear; not anymore.

He had always had that small, unjustifiable fear that Gozeburo would come back some how. He also had a small fear that Mokuba would turn against him again, like he did in Noah's virtual world. But he knew these fears were just him being paranoid, there was no basis to them, just a lingering fear from the past.

But he guessed he'd always unconsciously been scared that Mokuba would leave him. Mokuba was all he really had. He'd always relied on Mokuba to be there, not that he ever really let himself feel he was dependant on him. But he knew he was dependent on his little brother, he was dependent on him being his light, he would always help him, would risk his life for him, and like he knew, he would for Mokuba.

He gently slipped the fourth pill into his mouth, tasting the sweet covering on his tongue, and swallowed.

Two more and his life would end for sure.

He knew he had his regrets, Joey being one of them...

-Flashback-

"Hey! Kaiba! Can I have a word?" The blond said as he ran up to the brown haired young man.

"Yeah, have three, Fuck. Off. Mutt!" Seto replied, ticking off the words on his fingers. Joey took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, before saying.

"I need to talk to you in private, this is important."

"Whatever Mutt, fine, what is it?"

"In private, please." Joey had said, gesturing out of a fire escape. Seto sighed and followed him, being careful not to step on any of the litter on the floor and trying not to think what went on here at night by looking at the debris. Because he'd had his eyes trained on the ground, he didn't notice that Joey had stopped, and consequentially walked into him.

"Sorry," Joey muttered as he looked up at a pissed off Seto.

"Look, just tell me what is so fucking important that you drag me out here and make me late for my lesson. Why can't this wait till later?"

"Because if it waits till later I'll lose my nerve. I can't say all I want to in words; so..."

Before Seto had realized what Joey was talking about, he felt a pair of lips pressed gently to his, only for a second, but it was enough. When the CEO looked down at the blonde in total and complete shock, he noted the furious blush on his face that was turned to the ground, hie eyes fixed on his trainers.

"What the bloody hell was that for you fucking little cunt?!" Seto yelled, catching a startled Joey off guard and making him take a step back.

"I... I... I mean..." Joey stuttered, having got the reply he was dreading, Seto would humiliate him now, would think of him as less that the stupid mutt he was! Joey had turned and run then, not being able to stand being around the CEO anymore.

-End Flashback-

Seto really didn't know why he'd done that, he hated himself for it, truth was he had a crush on Joey to, but he guessed he'd just acted out of shock, that was nearly four weeks ago, and he'd not seen the blond to apologize. He didn't know how he was going to plan going about telling his puppy, he knew he'd have to explain why he'd acted the way he had, but he didn't know fully why himself. He hated himself. Not just for what he'd done to Joey, but he hated himself in general. He'd wake up almost every morning, look in the mirror while he was getting ready, and think to himself; 'Who is the freak? This isn't me. This is some cold, closed freak, this is what I was made, this is not who I am.' But even though he felt like this, he couldn't change! He'd tried everything that he could without someone finding out and telling the world. He really detested himself sometimes.

He slipped the last pill into his mouth, his throat dry, but he swallowed it somehow, the picked up the small dagger again. He rested the shining blade against his wrist, and pulled down gently, gasping slightly as the blade penetrated the soft, thin and delicate skin, then rubbed up against, and cut into, the main vain there. No going back now.

"Seto!"

Great, now his mind was playing tricks on him. That sounded like Mokuba, his last memories would be the confused thoughts of a tortured mind. And he was torturing himself more thinking about it.

"Seto! Seto, please open this door! I'm begging you!"

The voice sounded strained, like the person yelling was crying, begging him to stop. But it was too late. He couldn't stop, he couldn't turn back. His last seconds were dribbling slowly out of the small incision on his left wrist. And he didn't want to stay in this nightmare anyway.

"Kaiba! Don't be an idiot! Mokuba's here! It was all a mistake! He wasn't on the plane that crashed! Kaiba, listen to me! Open this door!"

What the hell?! Was that Joey's voice? The mutt, here, now! Oh wonderful, so his guilty conscious was having it's say to now was it?!

He slowly felt unconscious drift over him; his head feeling dizzy as there was a load bang, but it didn't register in his blood deprived brain. But what did, was the pair of warm, firm arms that wrapped around him as his spirit left his tortured and battered body behind. The last sight he had was of Joey's tear-stained face as he cradled him in his arms, his brother nelt by his side, nuzzling his face softly into his chest, crying.

Those last seconds would remain with his spirit for eternity.


End file.
